Winning the Championship

Today's the day, it could be Hell or it could be Heaven
as I get reminded in texts from half past bloody seven
A lovely day no need for a coat
The Pars in this position does nothing for my sore throat

Rovers expected to win, Falkirk too
Our players know they have a job to do
I think some fans may need something stronger than Bacardi
The team's been read out and there's no Hardie

Morton kick off in the Greenock sun
We all know it's there to be won
In no Pars players nerves are showing
Standing in the Wee Dublin End we're all glowing

'Doogs' poacher instincts get us off to a flyer
backed the voices of the East End choir
I feel bad for anyone that missed the goal
Pars 1 nil up but you're bound to feel low

The Pars don't want to settle for one it seems
the desire is there for all to be seen
Wee Joe's ripping them a new one, he's going to look weird
now there's no need for his unbeaten beard

Morton starting to come into it, there's a wee bit of jitters
please Pars don't put this up the shitter
Your mind sometimes wanders, wouldn't it be great
if we went and signed their wee number 8 ?

Half-time and we're almost there
this is more than living on a prayer
another 45 minutes and this game is won
with the sun giving us all a good burn

David Graham picks up the ball
to score from here the order is tall
He curls it in and in the net it nestles
cue thousands of Pars fans going mental

At full-time Pars fans invade the pitch
Morton's groundsman would have found it a bitch
One of the finest pitches I've ever seen
This thing looked like a bowling green

A great day, one of our finest hours
So what on Earth could turn it sour ?
Some idiot clearly the sun had him boiled
Questioning if someone is 'Dunfermline Loyal'

My response is that I believe
that being Dunfermline Loyal you don't have to achieve
Whether it's less than 10 games or more than you can count
Being a 'real' fan ?  Of that there's no doubt

Next week's party time
We'll be drinking much wine
Falkirk might hand us a defeat
But we'll all be pished so who cares if we ger beat ?

The Championship Fight

The Championship is nearly in sight
and Rovers are putting up putting up one hell of a fight
not long till the season is done 
4 more wins and we've got it won

We thought that Falkirk would have more of a clue
but everyone is ripping Pressley's pishy brown shoes
for them it just won't click
and he knows nothing about tactics

We're at the top and we're intending to stay
hoping that the wee team will fall away
for the Championship perhaps some would kill
they'll find it hard against the Blue Brazil

On the 4th Saturday of April in the Kingdom of Fife
the boys in black and white better be up for the fight of their life
some people thought "we're not gonnae win that"
look at our keeper he's far too fat

Smith took the jibes but he was strong
and is well on the way to proving folk wrong
after some wobbles we're harder to beat 
and most teams are leaving with a defeat

We grabbed a couple of players who played for St.Johnstone
if you're tackled by Hardie you're lying there prone
that c**t's f**king hard
he'll snap your leg and your shin guard

Winning these 4 games will take no quick fix
just like in 1996
that was a perfect day
made even better by beating Airdrie

May 7th could potentially be the best day of our life
against the tinks who wish they were from Fife
Let's all laugh at the Matalan Mancini
and our female fans celebrating by downing Martinis

Chickens aren't being counted not by a long shot
we've followed The Pars long enough to know that arrogance gets you caught
This is it a chance to be heroes
will the players be man enough not to let it go ?

Every player in black and white
has to be like a honey badger and show some bite
Every Pars fan no matter where they are
will be shouting "Come on ye Pars !"

The Invincibles of Dundee

Dark clouds were gathering over Dundee

All was not as well as could be

For months the Dark Blue fans had been shouting “debt free ya cunts”

but now their confidence had taken a dunt

A chancer from up north had been promising riches

but trouble appeared just like some unfortunate itches

now the Dees were struggling to stay alive

and the SFL decreed points minus 25

Players and management put on the dole

avoiding relegation had now become the goal

Dundee legend Barry Smith

was the man charged with giving Dens a lift.

The people at Dens thought the punishment was wrong

had the SFL been smoking the bong ?

Now for the appeals process

but in the long run it produced no success

Staying clear of relegation, it's going to be hard

Let's show the SFL what we think by waving red cards

It seems like the whole world's against us

and our first team squad can barely fit into a mini bus

Time to show folk that we're up for the fight

not being allowed to sign players is total shite

This is worse than a Lindley's pie

So let's bring in some trialists including one from Sky

Their talisman had to be sold

Mick McCarthy was bold

at the end of games there's loads of seagulls

but it's nae worries this boy's a fucking eagle

This adversity has made Dundee unbeatable

some would even claim that they're invincible

Some people chant Dee4Life

but not Jake Hyde, he's fucked off to Fife

After 24 games without a single loss

People are predicting the Dees will start producing dross

others believe that could be a mistake

Sean Higgins might slap them in the pus with a mouldy steak.

No more trialists now visiting the town of lino

this could stink as bad as a Kirkcaldy wino

As long as every player in Dark Blue is compliant

the Derry will shout “DeeFiant!”