Winning the Championship

Today's the day, it could be Hell or it could be Heaven
as I get reminded in texts from half past bloody seven
A lovely day no need for a coat
The Pars in this position does nothing for my sore throat

Rovers expected to win, Falkirk too
Our players know they have a job to do
I think some fans may need something stronger than Bacardi
The team's been read out and there's no Hardie

Morton kick off in the Greenock sun
We all know it's there to be won
In no Pars players nerves are showing
Standing in the Wee Dublin End we're all glowing

'Doogs' poacher instincts get us off to a flyer
backed the voices of the East End choir
I feel bad for anyone that missed the goal
Pars 1 nil up but you're bound to feel low

The Pars don't want to settle for one it seems
the desire is there for all to be seen
Wee Joe's ripping them a new one, he's going to look weird
now there's no need for his unbeaten beard

Morton starting to come into it, there's a wee bit of jitters
please Pars don't put this up the shitter
Your mind sometimes wanders, wouldn't it be great
if we went and signed their wee number 8 ?

Half-time and we're almost there
this is more than living on a prayer
another 45 minutes and this game is won
with the sun giving us all a good burn

David Graham picks up the ball
to score from here the order is tall
He curls it in and in the net it nestles
cue thousands of Pars fans going mental

At full-time Pars fans invade the pitch
Morton's groundsman would have found it a bitch
One of the finest pitches I've ever seen
This thing looked like a bowling green

A great day, one of our finest hours
So what on Earth could turn it sour ?
Some idiot clearly the sun had him boiled
Questioning if someone is 'Dunfermline Loyal'

My response is that I believe
that being Dunfermline Loyal you don't have to achieve
Whether it's less than 10 games or more than you can count
Being a 'real' fan ?  Of that there's no doubt

Next week's party time
We'll be drinking much wine
Falkirk might hand us a defeat
But we'll all be pished so who cares if we ger beat ?

The Championship Fight

The Championship is nearly in sight
and Rovers are putting up putting up one hell of a fight
not long till the season is done 
4 more wins and we've got it won

We thought that Falkirk would have more of a clue
but everyone is ripping Pressley's pishy brown shoes
for them it just won't click
and he knows nothing about tactics

We're at the top and we're intending to stay
hoping that the wee team will fall away
for the Championship perhaps some would kill
they'll find it hard against the Blue Brazil

On the 4th Saturday of April in the Kingdom of Fife
the boys in black and white better be up for the fight of their life
some people thought "we're not gonnae win that"
look at our keeper he's far too fat

Smith took the jibes but he was strong
and is well on the way to proving folk wrong
after some wobbles we're harder to beat 
and most teams are leaving with a defeat

We grabbed a couple of players who played for St.Johnstone
if you're tackled by Hardie you're lying there prone
that c**t's f**king hard
he'll snap your leg and your shin guard

Winning these 4 games will take no quick fix
just like in 1996
that was a perfect day
made even better by beating Airdrie

May 7th could potentially be the best day of our life
against the tinks who wish they were from Fife
Let's all laugh at the Matalan Mancini
and our female fans celebrating by downing Martinis

Chickens aren't being counted not by a long shot
we've followed The Pars long enough to know that arrogance gets you caught
This is it a chance to be heroes
will the players be man enough not to let it go ?

Every player in black and white
has to be like a honey badger and show some bite
Every Pars fan no matter where they are
will be shouting "Come on ye Pars !"

The Invincibles of Dundee

Dark clouds were gathering over Dundee

All was not as well as could be

For months the Dark Blue fans had been shouting “debt free ya cunts”

but now their confidence had taken a dunt

A chancer from up north had been promising riches

but trouble appeared just like some unfortunate itches

now the Dees were struggling to stay alive

and the SFL decreed points minus 25

Players and management put on the dole

avoiding relegation had now become the goal

Dundee legend Barry Smith

was the man charged with giving Dens a lift.

The people at Dens thought the punishment was wrong

had the SFL been smoking the bong ?

Now for the appeals process

but in the long run it produced no success

Staying clear of relegation, it's going to be hard

Let's show the SFL what we think by waving red cards

It seems like the whole world's against us

and our first team squad can barely fit into a mini bus

Time to show folk that we're up for the fight

not being allowed to sign players is total shite

This is worse than a Lindley's pie

So let's bring in some trialists including one from Sky

Their talisman had to be sold

Mick McCarthy was bold

at the end of games there's loads of seagulls

but it's nae worries this boy's a fucking eagle

This adversity has made Dundee unbeatable

some would even claim that they're invincible

Some people chant Dee4Life

but not Jake Hyde, he's fucked off to Fife

After 24 games without a single loss

People are predicting the Dees will start producing dross

others believe that could be a mistake

Sean Higgins might slap them in the pus with a mouldy steak.

No more trialists now visiting the town of lino

this could stink as bad as a Kirkcaldy wino

As long as every player in Dark Blue is compliant

the Derry will shout “DeeFiant!”

I REALLY need a job

I have spent most of my time outside of college looking for a job, and given my lack of experience in the hospitality field it's really quite difficult for companies to respond never mind actually give interviews, the only company with the courtesy to actually give me a rejection was the Counting House which is fair enough, it's like I'm 16 again with places not bothering their arse.  I registered with a temping agency but only had one job so far.

After I got my student loan I met local legend Dundee Barry for a few pints and some banter.  He's some boy, quite possibly the funniest person I have ever met.

The week after I went down to Dunfermline for a few days, mostly to see The Pars but also to see the family, and my mate Kristof was looking for someone to have a drink with and knew I was in Dunfermline, one pint turned into 4 hours of drinking as it usually does.  The Pars chucked away a 2 goal lead to let the wee team away with a draw.

The snow has been both a blessing and a curse, a blessing in that it's saved me money on bus fare on going to college and I could get my niece's Christmas and birthday presents from Tesco(yeah I'm a cheap cunt I know).  A curse in the fact there hasn't been any football since 13th November, 20th was the Scottish Cup which Dunfermline don't enter until the 4th round, 27th was the ref's strike and the start of the snow, and 4th December the snow was far too bad.

It was supposed to be the start of block 2 at college last week but because of the snow college has been shut, by the time I go back to college I would have had 2 weeks off !  Some full-time course !!!

Been a While Since I Last Posted

Like the title says it's been a while, my flatmate won some sort of paintballing competition and asked me to join him, his dad and his work colleagues, a good day apart from the fact I somehow lost £20 and my betting coupon for that day's matches, luckily it didn't come up or I would have been raging.

I really can't remember much of September tbh and weirdly it isn't drink related, I went to the Partick v Dunfermline match at Firhill and annoyingly missed Pat Clarke's goal as I was in the pisser.

The week after that I went to cash strapped Dundee's match with Morton as they need the money and it only cost me £5, I toyed with the thought of paying full price but then I thought "fuck it" it's a fiver that they wouldn't have had if I decided to go".

Later on that night I went out drinking with my flatmate and his mates, after imbibing a few in the flat beforehand playing FIFA11 and get it up ye banter flying about we got a couple of taxis to the Trades in town where I accidentally blocked the toilet with my jobby, whoops.  We then went to the Nether where Adam's drink was 'spiked' with salt by Sean in a game of one-upmanship they have going on, after discovering the salt Adam then downed the drink either bravely or stupidly you decide.  We then went to the Phoenix Bar and the Social both of which were absolutely packed.  Finally we went to Dundee Uni union, Ross didn't have have his student ID on him so we randomly befriended a nice guy called Max so he could sign Ross in.  After chucking out time, Adam was head-butted and hit in the stomach, he ran down the street with his trousers around his ankles, various football songs were sung, we grabbed a munch and got a taxi up the road.  FIFA was put back on, more drink was consumed and Ross annoyed Sean by playing Sean's guitar with a key ring, for which he got a swift smack in the nuts (after a couple of cease and desist warnings), I eventually headed to bed about 5:50.

Spent most of my week off college in Dunfermline and met up with some mates, God I forgot how much of a shit town it is to drink in.

My 30th birthday today, not doing much the now but just wait till the party, that's gonnae be some night...

I Think I Know Where Most Stuff Is Now

Got my student loan in eventually and got another payment soon after, my bank statement doesn't normally have a comma in it and doesn't any more, my wee green netbook packed up so I decided to go to Tesco and buy a better one which I had to exchange because it wasn't starting up properly, it seems like my luck with netbooks isn't particularly good, just like my Mum with Hoovers.

I'm looking for a drinking buddy here but most people have their own lives and I don't want to tag along with people who might not want me there, my flatmate was away to Hamilton on a training course last week and I went out drinking on my own ( yes, I know, incredibly sad but there is only so long you can look at the same four walls ), I got so wrecked that by the end of the night I decided it would be better for me to start drinking water, didn't help me avoid the hangover though and as the day after it was absolutely pelting down it was a good day to write off.  The thunder and lightning was bloody impressive and lit up the whole night sky, beautiful in it's own way.

College is going remarkably well at the moment, some very impressive things on the menu, one things for sure my flatmate will be well fed while I'm here as I am still a fussy eater although I'm getting better but alligator still sounds better than roast vegetables in my mind.

It should be interesting up here this week as Dunfermline comfortably beat Dundee at the weekend and I was down in Dunfermline doing the updates for dafc.net so my Pars shirt has been washed and is drying so I can wear it college tomorrow and gloat although I'm not sure many, if any of my classmates are into the beautiful game.

Beef Olives and Mustard Mash with a whisky sauce is the dish being made tomorrow in the kitchen, not my thing but I'm sure my flatmate will enjoy it, he's already looking forward to the products I will create in the kitchen although he might struggle to get any Irn-Bru sorbet off me, that stuff is marvellous.

As alluded to earlier in the blog I did use Clark's 24 hour bakery in a drunken state and how guid was a Gut Buster early hours of Tuesday morning ?  Very,  it took my mind off the fact I walked uphill for 2 miles wearing winklepickers ( yes, I'm an eejit when I'm drunk, I know ).

A party has been arranged at the flat for my 30th birthday and flatwarming so that's a thing on the calender to look forward to and hopefully I can overcome my shyness ( drink normally helps ) and apply the charm I know have somewhere deep inside me.
  

It's Getting Better Man

Finally I seem to be achieving some sort of progress regarding my student loan, apparently I should have it within the next 5-7 working days ( from Tuesday ) , thankfully I was signing on during the summer and I got my bursary ( all of which went towards paying my rent ).  I had a pop at SAAS on Facebook which seemed to get their arses in gear, I told other users of football forum http://www.pieandbovril.com/ about this and a few others went and done the same, now SAAS are telling people not to message their Facebook page as they can't reply, I like to think I had something to do with that.  *evil laugh *

At least my bills are paid for this month and I can relax a wee bit without fear of pissing my landlords off as they seem to be really brilliant people and I didn't want to look like an arsehole of a tenant by not paying my rent and billls as soon as I moved in.

I think I'm finally growing up, well it must be a sign when I'm more concerned about the fact I have no fabric conditioner rather than having no beer.

My college term started off well enough, my class on a Wednesday seems not that much different from the Restaurant Food Production with Menu Planning that I did last year obviously with a wee bit more work involved but I am confident that I won't have any problems and David Rutter seems like a much better and tolerant chef than Cameron Campbell, still has to show a wee bit more if I am to rate him as high as Gary Cromie but early signs are good.

It was unusual to have 2/3 people working on 1 batch of soup and bread as I am used to 1 person doing all that themselves but I suspect that David just wants to get an idea of where we are skills wise as we're not a class of chefs we are a class of hospitality managers.

We are doing Malaysian Chicken and Sticky Toffee Pudding next week, again pretty basic stuff but it fills some time before our service weeks start, the week before the October holiday  which I thought was quite late to start service but they're saying it's early !!  A couple of 6pm finishes now on a Wednesday which isn't too bad considering I have no idea when we'll finish  once we get into the swing of things after service starts.

It's quite weird for my locker to be 2 corridors away from the changing rooms and the fact we have to take our own tea towels in, the stock people are even worse than Joy was at Carnegie, they go daft when you use more blue roll than they think is acceptable.  Another difference is that we have to wear safety shoes in the Dundee College as outdoor shoes are not acceptable apparently while at Carnegie I wore my trainers for 2 years in the kitchen without so much as anyone giving them a second glance and SQA never said anything so I don't know what the difference is there.

I'm not looking forward to Intermediate Food Hygiene tomorrow, as well as apparently as well as being solid ( from what tutors have told me ) and having to write 500 word answers to one question, we're also gonnae find out the full impact of what food borne diseases etc. do to people, lovely...